I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
YAS. BRING CRAB.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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