I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
