Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
