my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think people are normalizing furries
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
