she woke up with a sticky ear
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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