all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
