Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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