I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
