Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
