Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
