I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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