We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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