I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
