I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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