I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
