I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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