Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
