Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
