I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
are you so shy because you have an std?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
