No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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