worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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