i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
