now i know why i became what i already was.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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