It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
