It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
