I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
