is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
