this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
