Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
