3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Randomize
