i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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