everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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