Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
