I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
