well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
