i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
