he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
