Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
