3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
