Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Randomize
