I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
