yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
