would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
