just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have tasted many bathrooms
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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