I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
try to milk me bitch
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
