i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
