Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Rumble strips road head = magical
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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