ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
