i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
