Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
