so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
