how can u be prego again
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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