I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
