you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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